It may be a little more than only being a good person.
[And yes, he still thinks to some people it could be the monster stuff, but more than that: it's trust. Having to trust someone you might not know with all of yourself. Having to trust someone with the darkest parts of yourself.
Frowning, he turns back to what he had been doing.]
I thought perhaps he would be the best candidate because what I am won't weigh so heavily on his spirit. However... being a god means he is like the Nobility in some ways... something I've never wanted any part of.
（ the word god, used in that way, is full of difficult connotations for sakura. there is the shinto concept of godhood, and then there is kaguya, and at this revelation her mouth tugs down at one corner. she had seen set, perhaps, at his most bereft and compassionate, but it paints certain things that happened there in a new light. ）
I understand.
（ maybe more than he knows. it's so like him, though, trying not to be a burden on anyone else, trying to choose the path of least possible harm and accepting the possibility of harm to himself as... what, recompense? it's as noble as it is foolish. but then, he's proven himself to be both those things in spades in the entirety of their brief acquaintance so far.
she has never been very good at being brave. so much of her life has been spent hiding behind other people and hoping for a better outcome than she could possibly manage on her own. she's left much of that old instinct behind, but what people don't tell you about courage is that it's not necessarily something that's innate. it doesn't live alongside your heart, strengthened by the caged bird beat. it's a choice you have to make every time.
sometimes, it fails you. that doesn't mean cowardice so much as it means humanity.
she opens her mouth. closes it with a click of her teeth.
(is it arrogance, that makes her think she might be useful here, when she had decried that very thing with naruto or sasuke? or is it just the lingering fear that no matter how much she cares for both of them, they will only ever leave her behind? she doesn't want them knowing her deepest, darkest thoughts, because so many of them feature the two of them in one way or another. in that way, perhaps it's easier with a stranger than with someone you've known more than half your life.)
(sɑsuƙe will ƞeνeɾ cɦσσse ɦeɾ ɑƞʮwɑʮ.)
her brow furrows, and her eyes fix on a chip in the linoleum floor. a muscle flexes in her jaw, and when she looks back up, she makes a choice. ）
Then, let's do it. Maybe I can help balance him out, and you won't have to worry so much about his nature in addition to your own.
[A little surprised, his head and shoulders turn so he can face her. In a way, he had almost hoped the former disagreement would have soured her impression of him enough to keep her away. What an awful thing to think about someone when really it's only himself he hates.
But of course, Sakura Haruno wouldn't give up that easily, would she...?
For a long moment, he just gazes at her somewhat pensively, contemplating the proposal. He's still worried for her. The things she won't understand until they're there. Did she even search for anyone else? There has to be someone else.]
...Alright.
[Most of his reasons for rejection are insulting to her, and they've already had an argument about any of his incessant warnings. Her point isn't wrong. And through the wariness, the curiosity in him wants to find out what the capabilities are like. Why Amun had put such an emphasis on it.]
Come to my doorway. [A place coveted protectively to himself.] I want you to see before you commit to the decision.
[Why does he make it sound like it's going to be full of bones and dead bodies?]
（ no doubt, he expects that something in his space will scare her away. that just seems to be how he is, and she gives him a brief nod. ）
That's reasonable. You should see mine too.
（ there's not much to hers. a medical clinic, an old training field... most of the time, it simply feels empty. her little tethers lined up on a shelf above her desk, reminding her of home. ）
But we can talk more about that after we're finished here. （ a nod to the microscope. ） How's that looking now?
[Yes, his very scary single old Western inn bedroom. At least, he's hoping the one portrait inside will help her understand exactly what kind of person in unfortunately a part of his being.
This likely won't work out in his favor when he has three other very soft, sentimental things inside she will instead covet.]
I'm going to proceed with the pill creation. I will have to try several attempts more than likely to get it to make. [...] You don't have to stay if you're busy.
[Or if she's tired, which he does not want to say and make her angry. It doesn't take a soulmate bond for him to understand she's working herself to death.]
No, I want to understand the process. Oh — I guess that means I should...
（ get that lyophilization started. there was no point, if they weren't sure whether or not their blood was going to be compatible, but now she stands, stretches, and moves over to the machine she'd indicated earlier. the blood plasma comes along for the ride, and it doesn't take her long to set up the first phase: flash-freezing. human plasma doesn't have a reliably demonstrative eutectic point, but given the capabilities of this machine it shouldn't take more than twenty minutes to freeze it to a solid state.
once she's done that, she tugs one of the more comfortable desk chairs a little closer, and sits in it where there's clear sightlines to the work he's doing in addition to keeping an eye on the freeze-drying machine as it cycles through its phases.
she doesn't sit properly, of course. one knee is drawn up for her to lean forward and rest her chin on, and the other foot stays properly on the ground so she can twist her chair back and forth. ）
[Yet again, another person fails to get Sakura to not overwork herself into a SECOND death… Alas.
He carries on with what he’s doing while she works, preferring not to waste time even though he isn’t rushing by any means. The pill is going to need a soluble capsule, for one, and he is going to have to form most of the artificial components of the new blood. For now, he does some calculations and set up on the little computer as she returns.]
Yes. [At first, it seems like this may be all he says, but then he adds:] The vampire I was searching for is a scientist.
[And many other things, but science is an important one.
On the computer, he pieces together some of the written DNA to see if it will stand up on its own on paper. Er, on computer?]
（ it isn't said with any judgment. he's spoken of the vampires in his world, their cruelty, his purpose. she isn't someone who flinches away from death — shinobi children are taught young that killing someone is often the only answer in conflict. ）
（ her expression is set, difficult to read. truly, none of this surprises or horrifies her. dangerous mysterious men on a quest to kill someone... literally nothing new.
what is it about a fear of death that drives people to be absolute cockwaffles? the world may never know.
she hesitates, partly poised to ask another question... but past experience makes her shift, teeth clicking softly shut over the words that do not come.
instead, she offers: ）
There's a few people from my world I'd say the same thing about.
[His eyes watch her start, hesitate, then stop. He doesn't hold it against her, whatever she thought about saying and didn't.]
Some on the Frontier would tell you a different story, [he adds before asking his own question to what she had said.] The vampire I was looking for.
They would tell you he helped them. And he did, some of them. He would bring back their crops, or cure a town's disease, power a device which had been broken. [He knows the implication here, so he says:] He wouldn't turn them.
But most places he left, he wouldn't be empty-handed. He'd ask for their strongest, or he would take the most beautiful woman, or a child.
Who exactly would you feed to the end of all things?
（ orochimaru, her mind supplies instantly. she knows that he helped in the war. she knows that he was once her master's precious comrade. but she has read the reports on what was found in his laboratory before he was driven from konoha, photographs of vivisected bodies and horrific experiments. people like yamato were the lucky ones. 'lucky'.
and then, she's still furious over what he did to sasuke. the agony of the curse mark, the psychological torture and the years with him that orochimaru took from her and naruto.
no amount of mercy would stay her hand.
she pulls up both her legs, heels balanced on the edge of the seat, wrapping her arms around her knees. the chair is large enough it seems to swallow her up. ）
Often... bad people will do just enough good things to make people doubt themselves when it comes to discerning their intent. It sounds to me like that's what this vampire was doing.
（ danzō, too, comes to mind. ）
As for me... there's a man in my world who wants immortality at any cost. He too fears death. He's hurt or killed many people over the years, many of whom I knew and cared for. He helped us win a war, but I don't think that will ever be enough to make amends for his actions.
[He listens to her with his full attention, likewise not surprised by anything she's telling him. There are plenty of people like that in the world, vampire, or human, or ninja even.]
It seems we know similar people. This vampire is trying to create the perfect being to find immortality.
[Wanting to be immortal, to be perfect. To find a way for whatever mixture of vampire and human can live with all of the powers and none of the weaknesses.]
Do you think it would make things right? If you could get rid of him.
（ her smile is almost more a baring of her teeth. ）
Depends on your definition of 'right'. Nothing will ever give back the lives he stole. Maybe the people he hurt would find some peace in his being dead, but peace isn't the same thing as having never been hurt at all.
（ she exhales, and then lets both heels slip off the seat of the chair to the floor with a faint thump, muffled a little by the soft-soled silicon of her shoes. ）
But if it meant he couldn't hurt anyone else, it would be worth it.
（ she's never really been good at accepting sympathy. it's hard to see yourself as deserving of it when all the people around you have seen and suffered so much more, so she just fidgets a moment in brief discomfort, and then shakes her head. ）
Kind of a depressing topic, huh?
（ a flash of self-deprecating humour. ）
Well, if your vampire ever shows up... I'll help you if I can.
[He at least doesn’t press it. It isn’t as if he takes sympathy well, only he knows what he is supposed to politely say when receiving it maybe.
He thinks about giving her (unintentionally) a Sasuke line: “It’s something I have to do on my own.” It is really, but he hasn’t forgotten how disgruntled she gets when it seems like her skills aren’t taken seriously.
So she is spared, and perhaps he is spared from being punched.]
Then I should thank you. I’m not sure if it’s better or worst if he should be here. As long as he isn’t on the Frontier, I suppose that’s the better choice.
（ it's so weird to be around someone who Learns??? who are you. who did this. what is happening, actually?? it's all so strange and wildly emotionally healthy, literally couldn't be her world, excuse her.
but she just gives him a bit of a tired, sideways smile. ）
Without dismissing her entirely, he returns to what he's doing so that he isn't wasting valuable multitasking time while he doesn't requiring giving her full and serious attention.]
A long time ago, it was a planet with continents and many countries, and all of them had names. After the humans destroyed themselves and the ecosystem, it became a dangerous and desolate place until the Nobles established their own civilization. A lot of the planet remained wilderness or desert. They simply called it the Frontier and divided it into cardinal regions.
But aliens came from space, wanting conquest, and their war with the Nobles destroyed much of the remaining land.
（ why is it always aliens, honestly? staring directly @ ōtsutsuki like 'ho, this u?'
she scoots her chair a bit closer, enough so that she can use the stool she'd formerly sat on as a footrest while watching him work. there's something soothing in it, just sort of existing in the same space as someone else. the thrum of the machines, the familiar scent of a laboratory... it's maybe the closest she's felt to being at home outside of her own door in the shadowlands.
she laces her fingers over her abdomen, leaning back in her chair. it's almost a deliberate uncoiling of tension — whether or not he realizes it, he's setting her at ease.
humans destroying themselves, huh...? where has she heard that before? the shinobi world nearly tore itself apart over land and resources and revenge long before the villages were ever settled.
she studies him in profile for a long moment, and then gently — ）
Is that why you're so protective of them? Humans, I mean.
[She is relaxing in his presence... This is wild to him, someone people always do a lot to avoid or run out of town. But he just continues to work, not wanting to disturb the surface tension of their presently peaceful pond and startle her away with awareness.
Even after she asks he question, he is quiet for a long time. There are a lot of reasons for what she asks, and all of them are important to him. One is simply that it feels like the right thing to do for him.
（ there's a context here she doesn't understand. maybe it's a fundamental lack of knowledge about his world or how it works, the nature of vampires or how they reproduce. after all, the only things she knows have been cobbled together piecemeal between d and augustine — that ominous statement about absconding with beautiful women. are they all like that? they must be, or else he wouldn't hunt them.
she won't say she's not curious, exactly, but something about his tone discourages further question. he's been so open, so willing to answer her or give her information, that the sudden recalcitrance is almost surprising. how can she do anything else but respect it?
she hasn't always known better, when it comes to the autonomy of those around her. some lessons are hard-won, but it's why after a moment she says: ）
Okay, how's this for another question? Tell me about the hat.
（ it's lightly said. maybe a bit clumsy, but clearly handing him a way to change the subject if he wants to.
talk about the hat, d. it's ridiculous. she loves it.
hopefully the hat's not also The Result of Trauma, please, she'd die and sink right into the floor. ）
[Sakura really did try to find a conversation worth having, and he really didn't want to startle her from being comfortable. And yet. Here he is, saying words, as usual. This is why he mostly chooses to say nothing instead.
He's kind, but doesn't quite know how to connect sometimes with the people he always holds at arm's length. Her not pressing is fine; he hadn't necessarily wanted it to be a full conversation, only an answer to a question. Regardless, it may be a conversation they ultimately return to when she passes through his door.
He pauses long enough to glance in her direction, and then he looks at the hat where it still sits after being removed.] It's only a hat. [Imagine if he had given a tragic hat backstory. He goes back to working with the data.]
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[And yes, he still thinks to some people it could be the monster stuff, but more than that: it's trust. Having to trust someone you might not know with all of yourself. Having to trust someone with the darkest parts of yourself.
Frowning, he turns back to what he had been doing.]
I thought perhaps he would be the best candidate because what I am won't weigh so heavily on his spirit. However... being a god means he is like the Nobility in some ways... something I've never wanted any part of.
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I understand.
（ maybe more than he knows. it's so like him, though, trying not to be a burden on anyone else, trying to choose the path of least possible harm and accepting the possibility of harm to himself as... what, recompense? it's as noble as it is foolish. but then, he's proven himself to be both those things in spades in the entirety of their brief acquaintance so far.
she has never been very good at being brave. so much of her life has been spent hiding behind other people and hoping for a better outcome than she could possibly manage on her own. she's left much of that old instinct behind, but what people don't tell you about courage is that it's not necessarily something that's innate. it doesn't live alongside your heart, strengthened by the caged bird beat. it's a choice you have to make every time.
sometimes, it fails you. that doesn't mean cowardice so much as it means humanity.
she opens her mouth. closes it with a click of her teeth.
(is it arrogance, that makes her think she might be useful here, when she had decried that very thing with naruto or sasuke? or is it just the lingering fear that no matter how much she cares for both of them, they will only ever leave her behind? she doesn't want them knowing her deepest, darkest thoughts, because so many of them feature the two of them in one way or another. in that way, perhaps it's easier with a stranger than with someone you've known more than half your life.)
(sɑsuƙe will ƞeνeɾ cɦσσse ɦeɾ ɑƞʮwɑʮ.)
her brow furrows, and her eyes fix on a chip in the linoleum floor. a muscle flexes in her jaw, and when she looks back up, she makes a choice. ）
Then, let's do it. Maybe I can help balance him out, and you won't have to worry so much about his nature in addition to your own.
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But of course, Sakura Haruno wouldn't give up that easily, would she...?
For a long moment, he just gazes at her somewhat pensively, contemplating the proposal. He's still worried for her. The things she won't understand until they're there. Did she even search for anyone else? There has to be someone else.]
...Alright.
[Most of his reasons for rejection are insulting to her, and they've already had an argument about any of his incessant warnings. Her point isn't wrong. And through the wariness, the curiosity in him wants to find out what the capabilities are like. Why Amun had put such an emphasis on it.]
Come to my doorway. [A place coveted protectively to himself.] I want you to see before you commit to the decision.
[Why does he make it sound like it's going to be full of bones and dead bodies?]
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That's reasonable. You should see mine too.
（ there's not much to hers. a medical clinic, an old training field... most of the time, it simply feels empty. her little tethers lined up on a shelf above her desk, reminding her of home. ）
But we can talk more about that after we're finished here. （ a nod to the microscope. ） How's that looking now?
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[Yes, his very scary single old Western inn bedroom. At least, he's hoping the one portrait inside will help her understand exactly what kind of person in unfortunately a part of his being.
This likely won't work out in his favor when he has three other very soft, sentimental things inside she will instead covet.]
I'm going to proceed with the pill creation. I will have to try several attempts more than likely to get it to make. [...] You don't have to stay if you're busy.
[Or if she's tired, which he does not want to say and make her angry. It doesn't take a soulmate bond for him to understand she's working herself to death.]
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challenge accepted. ）
No, I want to understand the process. Oh — I guess that means I should...
（ get that lyophilization started. there was no point, if they weren't sure whether or not their blood was going to be compatible, but now she stands, stretches, and moves over to the machine she'd indicated earlier. the blood plasma comes along for the ride, and it doesn't take her long to set up the first phase: flash-freezing. human plasma doesn't have a reliably demonstrative eutectic point, but given the capabilities of this machine it shouldn't take more than twenty minutes to freeze it to a solid state.
once she's done that, she tugs one of the more comfortable desk chairs a little closer, and sits in it where there's clear sightlines to the work he's doing in addition to keeping an eye on the freeze-drying machine as it cycles through its phases.
she doesn't sit properly, of course. one knee is drawn up for her to lean forward and rest her chin on, and the other foot stays properly on the ground so she can twist her chair back and forth. ）
Did you teach yourself all of this?
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He carries on with what he’s doing while she works, preferring not to waste time even though he isn’t rushing by any means. The pill is going to need a soluble capsule, for one, and he is going to have to form most of the artificial components of the new blood. For now, he does some calculations and set up on the little computer as she returns.]
Yes. [At first, it seems like this may be all he says, but then he adds:] The vampire I was searching for is a scientist.
[And many other things, but science is an important one.
On the computer, he pieces together some of the written DNA to see if it will stand up on its own on paper. Er, on computer?]
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I don't know much about vampires. Just what I've learned here... can I ask why you're searching for them?
（ please don't be a sasuke situation. please. do not. she can't handle that x2. ）
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He does not answer for a long moment even though he continues to work with the computer. He doesn't glance over at her either.]
For answers. And also... to kill him.
[Of course it would be killing.]
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I see.
（ it isn't said with any judgment. he's spoken of the vampires in his world, their cruelty, his purpose. she isn't someone who flinches away from death — shinobi children are taught young that killing someone is often the only answer in conflict. ）
What will you do if he comes here?
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Finally, he actually turns his head to look at her. He studies her face.
It’s not something he had really given much thought.] He wouldn’t, [is what he says at first.]
Some think he has existed even before time. The only thing he fears is death.
[But maybe he would…? If he is not there to kill the father of all vampires, maybe someone else would be in time.
None of this really answers her question.]
I would give him to Oblivium.
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what is it about a fear of death that drives people to be absolute cockwaffles? the world may never know.
she hesitates, partly poised to ask another question... but past experience makes her shift, teeth clicking softly shut over the words that do not come.
instead, she offers: ）
There's a few people from my world I'd say the same thing about.
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Some on the Frontier would tell you a different story, [he adds before asking his own question to what she had said.] The vampire I was looking for.
They would tell you he helped them. And he did, some of them. He would bring back their crops, or cure a town's disease, power a device which had been broken. [He knows the implication here, so he says:] He wouldn't turn them.
But most places he left, he wouldn't be empty-handed. He'd ask for their strongest, or he would take the most beautiful woman, or a child.
Who exactly would you feed to the end of all things?
cw... orochimaru??? (medical experimentation/torture refs)
and then, she's still furious over what he did to sasuke. the agony of the curse mark, the psychological torture and the years with him that orochimaru took from her and naruto.
no amount of mercy would stay her hand.
she pulls up both her legs, heels balanced on the edge of the seat, wrapping her arms around her knees. the chair is large enough it seems to swallow her up. ）
Often... bad people will do just enough good things to make people doubt themselves when it comes to discerning their intent. It sounds to me like that's what this vampire was doing.
（ danzō, too, comes to mind. ）
As for me... there's a man in my world who wants immortality at any cost. He too fears death. He's hurt or killed many people over the years, many of whom I knew and cared for. He helped us win a war, but I don't think that will ever be enough to make amends for his actions.
（ we don't talk about boruto. ）
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It seems we know similar people. This vampire is trying to create the perfect being to find immortality.
[Wanting to be immortal, to be perfect. To find a way for whatever mixture of vampire and human can live with all of the powers and none of the weaknesses.]
Do you think it would make things right? If you could get rid of him.
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Depends on your definition of 'right'. Nothing will ever give back the lives he stole. Maybe the people he hurt would find some peace in his being dead, but peace isn't the same thing as having never been hurt at all.
（ she exhales, and then lets both heels slip off the seat of the chair to the floor with a faint thump, muffled a little by the soft-soled silicon of her shoes. ）
But if it meant he couldn't hurt anyone else, it would be worth it.
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[It may not be right per say, but it feels like something he should be doing to in the long run.
Confronting the vampire who created them all and who continues to try to keep a piece of them alive in some twisted way.
Is that wrong of him to do, being half of a vampire himself?]
I’m sorry for the ones you’ve lost. Even if it had only been you to have known them, I think that would be enough.
[To make their lives worth it, he means. Simply existing and having been known by another.]
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（ she's never really been good at accepting sympathy. it's hard to see yourself as deserving of it when all the people around you have seen and suffered so much more, so she just fidgets a moment in brief discomfort, and then shakes her head. ）
Kind of a depressing topic, huh?
（ a flash of self-deprecating humour. ）
Well, if your vampire ever shows up... I'll help you if I can.
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He thinks about giving her (unintentionally) a Sasuke line: “It’s something I have to do on my own.” It is really, but he hasn’t forgotten how disgruntled she gets when it seems like her skills aren’t taken seriously.
So she is spared, and perhaps he is spared from being punched.]
Then I should thank you. I’m not sure if it’s better or worst if he should be here. As long as he isn’t on the Frontier, I suppose that’s the better choice.
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but she just gives him a bit of a tired, sideways smile. ）
Why do they call it 'the Frontier', anyway?
（ maybe this will be a lighter topic...? ）
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Without dismissing her entirely, he returns to what he's doing so that he isn't wasting valuable multitasking time while he doesn't requiring giving her full and serious attention.]
A long time ago, it was a planet with continents and many countries, and all of them had names. After the humans destroyed themselves and the ecosystem, it became a dangerous and desolate place until the Nobles established their own civilization. A lot of the planet remained wilderness or desert. They simply called it the Frontier and divided it into cardinal regions.
But aliens came from space, wanting conquest, and their war with the Nobles destroyed much of the remaining land.
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she scoots her chair a bit closer, enough so that she can use the stool she'd formerly sat on as a footrest while watching him work. there's something soothing in it, just sort of existing in the same space as someone else. the thrum of the machines, the familiar scent of a laboratory... it's maybe the closest she's felt to being at home outside of her own door in the shadowlands.
she laces her fingers over her abdomen, leaning back in her chair. it's almost a deliberate uncoiling of tension — whether or not he realizes it, he's setting her at ease.
humans destroying themselves, huh...? where has she heard that before? the shinobi world nearly tore itself apart over land and resources and revenge long before the villages were ever settled.
she studies him in profile for a long moment, and then gently — ）
Is that why you're so protective of them? Humans, I mean.
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Even after she asks he question, he is quiet for a long time. There are a lot of reasons for what she asks, and all of them are important to him. One is simply that it feels like the right thing to do for him.
But another...]
My mother was human.
[His voice is low, and it's all he says.]
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she won't say she's not curious, exactly, but something about his tone discourages further question. he's been so open, so willing to answer her or give her information, that the sudden recalcitrance is almost surprising. how can she do anything else but respect it?
she hasn't always known better, when it comes to the autonomy of those around her. some lessons are hard-won, but it's why after a moment she says: ）
Okay, how's this for another question? Tell me about the hat.
（ it's lightly said. maybe a bit clumsy, but clearly handing him a way to change the subject if he wants to.
talk about the hat, d. it's ridiculous. she loves it.
hopefully the hat's not also The Result of Trauma, please, she'd die and sink right into the floor. ）
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He's kind, but doesn't quite know how to connect sometimes with the people he always holds at arm's length. Her not pressing is fine; he hadn't necessarily wanted it to be a full conversation, only an answer to a question. Regardless, it may be a conversation they ultimately return to when she passes through his door.
He pauses long enough to glance in her direction, and then he looks at the hat where it still sits after being removed.] It's only a hat. [Imagine if he had given a tragic hat backstory. He goes back to working with the data.]
I paid good money for it.
[Maybe an attempt at a joke...?]
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you almost got an itachi tag instead and that would make this thread wild
i would have howled with laughter NIISAN!!!
he and d in the same room would be hilarious. negative talking.
two traumatized prodigies who have a lot of love who don’t talk
should i be asking what happened to d's mom...........
it’s okay probably…
that's the opposite of reassuring
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