damnpire | Kenos Inbox

[He answers… But she does not. Not immediately. There had been a part of her that thought he wouldn’t. Perhaps… that almost hoped he wouldn’t, so that she may then be “right” about that question she had asked him, at that bar counter in Xanadu moons ago. But he does, and so she-]

There was a time when you said that you would be my friend.

[And she had not believed him. She never believed anyone the first time they said it. Not that she has heard it often… but the pattern holds. The word is… useless. So useless. To half the people in this place, the word didn’t even seem to mean anything like what she’d once imagined, what she wanted it to mean.

But still she asks, like a fool-]

Have you come to regret that, yet?

[Or was it still “true”?]

[Hm. The question also doesn't surprise him, not from Hayame. He's sure she has plenty of reasons to be as guarded as she is, and he doesn't blame her.]

I haven't.

[This time, she can feel the earnest way in which he offers these kinds of words no matter how much she may hate it.]

Even if you one day do something to make us not friends, I will not regret the times we were.

[Probably wouldn't be friends going forward, but he wouldn't be bitter about the past. He'd have been bitter a very long time about very many things if that's how he was.]

Are you in need of a friend?

[… Those words sound a bit like ones she has heard before, from the one of the very few (four, it was four… four and a half) people who she called “friend”. The one that of those few… was the one she believed the most.

So it is a good answer, if she can believe it. In Communion, where it is harder to conceal and lie, perhaps she should. But she still...

The silence is heavy, but perhaps it is answer enough. She does need a friend. But not any friend will do.]

That depends.

Would you call a demon your friend? One who fights for the death of our worlds and consumes human souls?

[D's mind swirls in a studious way, as if he's suddenly trying to place someone he may know is a demon--what they look like, sound like, their name.

But he has not formally met any demon here yet, he doesn't think, except for maybe Karlach before. At least, to him without prying, she had been like a demon.]

I don't suppose I would, no.

[He has no grudges against demons in general, and has only ever dealt with them if someone paid him to do so.

But he's not a fan of human soul eating even if the humans enact the contracts.]

[“I don’t suppose I would”. It’s not… what she wants. But beggars cannot be choosers, even if… even if they liked to pretend that is not what they were.

And Liem Talbott vouched for him, so-]

Then… if you will swear to me that what I am about to tell you will not reach Zenith ears, or the ears of those who cavort with their demon…

I have a… favor, to ask you.

I will repay you how you see fit.

[Hayame, that’s not how friends are supposed to—]

[Hayame's friendship standards are buried beneath the ground here.

D's side of the Communion is quiet for a long moment, again swirling with consideration. She has beef with a demon then...?]

I have no reason to tell anyone what you tell me. [A reminder, but he understands she wanted something more.] I promise.

[He does not say anything about the repayment because that depends on what he's asked, and he's a man who typically works for money anyway.]

I'm listening.

[They're bad, D. ... Kenos is making them even worse.

... She will take Liem as the guarantor, and that promise. Considering how they met, she assumes she does not need to tell D what she plans to do to him if he did break it.

But that means... Now, she has to actually say it out loud. It takes a few moments for her to start, attempting to deaden her voice. Her hearts. How succinctly, how vaguely can she-]

The demon who calls him Sebastian Michaelis took my left eye in battle, in the world Horos before this one.

In seeking revenge for this slight, I have traded blows with it during the trials presented to us. The dryad. The Iconoclast Oracle. But the dryad reversed everything I had done, and though I took his eye during the latter, it grew back the second he returned to his "powers". Still... I was willing to let that be "even".

[Was she? She convinced herself she was, but-]

The demon disagreed. He used poison to take me from the streets of Springstar, and then, along with another-

[It is Communion. It is too fresh still. She cannot fully suppress the turmoil, nor the trauma, of her memories. They leak out. The smell of that makeshift surgery suite in Kowloon, rotten with trash and the chemical stink of what she didn't know what Shimmer. The pull of the rope hobbles on her fetlocks, rubbing off her dun coat and then digging into her hide as she desperately struggled to free herself. The disgust that roiled in her guts when the demon straddled her and held up the sickly green eye in front of her face that he planned to put inside of her. The overwhelming humiliation of the bit that was forced between her teeth and fastened behind her head so that she could not finish biting off her tongue to choose death over letting that demon shame her. The pain that coursed through her entire nervous system as manipulated shadows twisted into her cut open socket to find the scarred and shriveled optic nerve, tugging, tugging--]

[The blizzard is so thick. Just white. A sea of white, as if that could stop anyone from seeing anything, especially her.]

He performed an "ocular transplant", healed my injuries so that I would seem a madwoman if I accused him, and returned me to Springstar.

The eye is accursed. I do not know exactly how, but I have it examined by several of Meridian's magic users. The conclusion is that it is attuned to someone, I assume that demon, or perhaps his master, perhaps their master [Yima]. That it can be... viewed by them.

[She doesn't know exactly how. Was it a sense? Were they actually seeing through the eye forced into her skull? She doesn't-]

So it must come out.

[Before she goes insane, before she rips it out herself-]

Liem Talbott has my original eye.

[Is she not going to explain how that is????]

So I require a doctor in Springstar. One that is skilled enough to do that. An "ocular transplant".

But I cannot be seen to do it. The demon had me under surveillance before he attacked with his poison, and I was unable to detect him in the slightest, even though I was being most careful at the time.

[Because she was sneaking to the house of her hidden l- You know what, it doesn't matter. What matters is she has no idea how Sebastian tracked her. Or if he was still doing it or not.]

When I asked Liem Talbott who we might rely on to make inquiries on my behalf...

He recommended you.

[me looking at the second icon like what in the kuroshitsuji trauma is this

WELL, it's A LOT. It's a lot. D remembers the eyepatch from the bar, and now more things make sense.

The slip into the pain and fear doesn't frighten him in its familiarity, though only because he has had ten thousand years to heal with distance what had happened to him. But it is still familiar. The smells, the sounds, the feelings. Reliving it through her mind doesn't scare him; instead, it hurts him. He is sad for her, sad she had to experience such a thing at all.

This is probably what earns her more of his interest. He would never wish experimentation of any kind on even his enemies. A mercy.

The iciness returned back to her is clearly not directed at her specifically. A barren snowfield of distaste, frigid, the ground covered in frozen ash. He isn't sure why Liem vouched for him after he showed up at Liem's door the way he had, but he appreciates it anyway.]

Are you searching for a doctor, or do you know of one already you want to make contact with?

[...]

I can make the eye you have undetectable for a short time. I can't be sure it would keep them from spying without knowing how it's done, but the spell shields against scrying and divination.

Edited (my typos!!!) 2023-11-22 04:09 (UTC)

[JINBA would like Kuroshitsuji to hold its beer. The CWs I had to slap in my opt-out post......................

Hayame does not want pity, because she has never lived in a world where the weak were allowed to survive. And in that moment, more than the pain... She could take the pain. Even if her body reacted, thrashed and bucked and struggled to escape despite the expert way she'd been twisted and tied down to neutralize the strengths of a jinba... It was the shame she could not stand.

And every time she shared even a snippet of what happened to her, every time a single person was added to the very few who knew-

D's reaction is enough. It is... good enough. Ice. Ash.]

I know of no doctors of that sort. Certainly not those skilled enough with surgery to do such a delicate procedure.

[She had always taken care of her own injuries. If they were damaging enough, she asked a magic healer... so this-]

... I think I know someone who can manipulate the eye. What I need is someone who can connect the-

[... She does not know the words. Someone who can connect the eyeball to her ocular nerves.]

Who can make the eye work in my head.

[...]

I am wearing an eyepatch for now. How long does your spell last?

[They both see eye to eye on a lot of things they may not realize. Such as taking care of themselves alone without involving anyone else. One is just perhaps out of pride, and the other is out of empathy.]

I understand.

[She requires someone to completely connect the eye back. He thinks about offering to try, but he isn't a surgeon even if he has a surgeon's precision with a blade and thousands of years of scientific research.

It'd be better if they can get her someone.]

About eight hours. You can use it before the procedure so there isn't any interference. Hopefully.

[He realizes he still hasn't exactly agreed to anything, so:]

I accept. I'll help you.

[HDU you use "eye to eye" right now... honestly HDU...

But there is another long pause. Another long pause where she wishes this had never happened to her. Where she wishes any other jinba had arrived in Kenos but her to fight for their world, that she had succeeded in biting off her tongue before the demon shoved the bit in, so that she could just... just die, and not suffer like this. Not be shamed like this, and now have to go crawling around hoping for crumbs from those few who met standards she has been forced to lower time and time again just to not end up hated and alone.

But if she died, then-]

... I see.

[Most people. Normal people. She thinks they would say "thank you". She should probably say that, yet... that is just as shameful. She hates it more. Being forced to feel gratitude just because someone chose to her side over that of a soul-eating demon made of eyes and mouths and shadows just because it talked pretty, flattered nicely, hosted parties, apparently fucked well-

Why is everyone so-]

What would you like in return?

I would appreciate if you would name something properly, unlike last time.

[... The birthday advice. It had helped her, and he hadn't asked for anything.]

[HELP I DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT EYE TO EYEEE NOOOOOOO IM HOWLING

Without rushing her, D politely waits on the other end for her to reconcile with her pride and ideations. He really does think she deserves to exist, but won't force such a thing down her throat. He has met other warriors just the same. Fought them even, and any outcome less than victory was a request for him to end them completely.

The lack of thank you doesn't bother him either. If she only knew how many times he was never thanked out of prejudice despite completing a job and saving loved ones--wives daughters, children.

But then it's his turn to be silent for a long time. He wants to ask for something insignificant to her, but knows she will be offended by a lackluster request. He thinks she expects to be asked something worse, too. To be used for her dual body or her strength, to maybe even be assaulted.]

...I am searching for pieces of more advanced technology, or for conversations with the vampires of Kowloon.

[He understands Hayame probably won't know advanced technology, but she may know a place, like the Cache Liem had told him about. And he wouldn't be surprised if she avoided the vampires like the plague.]

I am trying to make something I had on thr Frontier: pills of artificial blood that melt in water.

[... Clocked.

That is. D names his requests... but she cannot even be happy with them. They sound suitable, they sound serious, but she...

I am not one to know what is... "advanced technology". I have been told that I barely have the right to say I know what "technology" is. If I find something strange and metal, I could alert you, but...

[What are the odds of that??? And even worse-]

... I cannot operate well in Kowloon, either.

[She hopes she does not have to spell out why. The streets are crowded, there are countless stairs, many of the alleys are too narrow for her to turn around in, and... Yeah. A very hostile environment for a centaur who likes to be able to defend herself. While also being a stupid sounding excuse- that of course, again, her not being human shaped in these other godsdamned worlds has come to make her a liability or an outlier again.]

If it is vampires, I have heard they live in Highstorm as well...

[... Somewhere she refuses to go. But she knows, does she know, that many Meridian shard-bearers frequent that place.]

If it is blood you need...

[... Is she- ?]

[It seems like Hayame is the worst person to ask such a thing, but there is one variable he counts on more than others: the idea she will keep her end of the bargain regardless. The integrity means more to him than anything else.

And it's also not a refusal, or something that feels lackluster.]

It's alright. You can tell me if you happen to learn anything.

[He knows she doesn't want to hear it isn't something she has to put time and effort into, so he won't tell her as much. It's just better for him to have a few eyes (stop) and ears listening out while he searches himself.]

The bite of a vampire from the Frontier can be dangerous. [There isn't any point in running around and biting people, he'd like to say... and yet... Kenos is happening more and more, and here he is biting people.] There isn't any point in bloodletting.

Keep your strength.

[Integrity she has. But... what is she supposed to do? She could try and pass the commission onto someone else and then pass on news from investigators or middlemen... ? That, though, would not honor the agreement... How is she supposed to go in Kowloon and operate at the same level of skill and defense she can employ above ground? Was this a trap? He did not like how she had refused his offers to give her things for free last time, and so now he has given her something she cannot easily accomplish on purpose???]

You may be waiting a very long time.

[What is she supposed to do, go out and become two-legged? ... Hmm. No, that's probably impossible...]

...

[Had her question about his need for blood been leading into an offer to take it from her neck? Was it going to be an offer of vials, perhaps, that she bloodlet from herself to hand over? Was it going to be a suggestion for someone else, or for an alternative? Welp, now they will never know... !]

But you are doing it?

[Biting people... drinking their blood... ?]

[Hayame..... He really should have stuck to requesting something idiotic from her to get by.]

Waiting a long time doesn't bother me.

[Imagining having to wait a whole human's lifetime before showing up at the funeral to complete a promise of flowers. He's done that. It isn't a huge deal. He has... nothing but time, as a freak of natural which doesn't age.]

I would prefer not to partake in any of that. It would make me no different than the vampires I hunted. However, I don't believe this place is going to offer a choice, and I am more beneficial to the rest of you alive than dead.

So far, I have accepted a little from those consenting.

[Hayame values honesty, so he will just be very honest.]

[She wanted him to ask for... for her service in Springstar or Alenroux! For her to... Okay, she didn't know what his hobbies were, but. Recommend him a fine... leather tanner? Kill a Zenite for him next Oracle trial? Something...]

...

[Not much more than a month ago, she had been sick after watching Liem Talbott drain the blood from a victim's throat. It had been an enemy, and still... that had not detracted from the horror of seeing a man she thought was just... just a man... turn out to be something that fed on lifeblood. But she hadn't... no, of course she found it unnatural, it was, but the real source of her anger had been the secrecy, had been finding out that she'd known him the longest of anyone in this place, that she'd trusted him more than anyone in this place, and he had kept such a thing from her, and not others...

So D...]

And you do not... have to debase yourself, to get this blood?

[... What?]

[LIEMMM!!

In all honesty, D doesn't usually say a whole lot about himself to other people either; however, he learned those here didn't usually understand vampires much less dhampirs. Better to tell them a little. Even better to tell Hayame a lot more. She is so easily irritable.

He still likes this about her? Sue him.]

What do you mean?

[The question hasn't offended him, he just wants to clarify what she considers debasing. He thinks drinking the blood of other people is kind of debasing in itself, but maybe she means... sex.]

[yeah, LIEM????

… Not like she doesn’t get it, at the core. She hates having to explain jinba to people, after a lifetime of humans being able to tell what she was and guess everything about her future, her past, and her present just based off her clothing, her hairstyle, her gender, who she accompanied, and just… the fact that she had arms. But they had to, this world necessitated it no matter how distasteful…]

I mean…

[She means sex. A certain type of sex. Her talk with Liem might have left her with certain notions the other man did not properly disavow.]

Having to cater to… to people with sick tastes to get the blood you require.

[If it was that-]

[HE'S JUST ASSIGNED SLUT FOR BLOOD. He sees. For what it's worth, he doesn't laugh or judge Hayame for it? Vampires are pretty sexual creatures, it's understandable.]

No. I'm not interested in that sort of trade. Others are free to give if that's what they want. I offer nothing in return.

[Well, unless Kenos forces him to act ridiculous, then he guesses he can't stop that from happening!! He simply will become a slut for people's weird blood drinking fetishes (Gen).]

[Nooo, she doesn’t think D and Liem are sluts for blood, she’s worried they… have to… you know… deal with people fetishizing being bitten and sex and stuff!!!! It’s weird!!!

And now she’s embarrassed for asking, but.]

I did not mean to imply you were interested, just that—

[Look, she doesn’t know how many normal people are out there letting dhampir bite them in a practical and business like way!!!!]

…

A friend would be concerned.

[… and they are. “Friends” now. Aren’t they?]

[HELP. Hayame's trauma. Thinking about how the biting has been made a fetish, yeah. Sometimes, people get horny about vampire biting even though it shouldn't be that way at all............... Gen. At least Liem is blessed with a normal bite.]

I see. The friend doesn't have to worry.

[Even if weirdos happen to turn his bite into a fetish, all that'd matter to him, if he desperately needed blood for whatever reason, is the removal of the craving. He supposes that's what Hayame is worried about really.]

Shouldn't this friend be more concerned with what has been done to them instead?

[Look. You grow up in a breeding stable where humans sometimes get to “sample” the products for sale and you get a little sensitive about the possibility of people being. Used for things. So.]

… Well, that is good to hear.

[The next part… is phrased in a way that makes her feel like it was an insult, though. She tries to think of it more charitably, but-

No, she can’t stop the instinctive-]

Surely you do not think I am so weak or so selfish as that?

[Wow maybe she really doesn’t know wtf friendship is???]

Edited 2023-12-06 03:52 (UTC)

Kenos Inbox

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1/3

cw-y for some kidnapping/noncon surgery/eye stuff

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sorry she's so normal cw: suicidal ideation

🥹 hayame!!!

🥹🥹🥹 d!!!

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